I went metathizzical on the sonnet so it has an irregular rhyme scheme (ABBACDDCEFFEGG). Also there might be a couple imperfect iambic pentameters, but other dudes did that so why can't I?
The way your crown lay sleepless on my bed,
your hair avalanching like the winter's snow,
the way your scent defeats the stale airflow,
it sifts and swells around my grateful head.
The way your lips fall gently onto mine,
a passage way through your two white glaciers,
they slowly melt away all our censors,
until we appear only as our outlines.
The way your fingers fall across my arm,
the coldest winds couldn't send such pleasured chills;
so many ways out there for me to fill
my mouth with words to flatter you with charm.
But how will I remember once you've past?
Each dream a fading memory, nothing to grasp.
Gilles I loved the rhyme scheme you created in writing this poem. I think it really worked with your sonnet, as it flowed very well and i was engaged in the detail and description. Your description gave me a new perspective on a woman's body, as you compared it to aspects of winter. This gives it a way deeper meaning, possibly implying that women are cold like winter? If so, I would love you to expand on a woman's heart. is it an icebox? I also appreciate the strong comparison of women to winter additionally because this woman has passed in your life, just like winter's season and transition to spring.
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